There’s days I know I can’t make it without God. And no, It’s
not in that whole, oh my gosh, I didn’t study for that test because I was too
busy watching gossip girl, or I really need rent money but I spent everything I
had on something I didn’t exactly need instead. No, today was more of one of
those days where everything is so much. I have papers to write, exams to study
for, groceries to buy, things to clean, pledge and chapter meetings to attend,
rent check stuck in the mail box, no time to any of these things, and everyone
breathing down my neck. It’s been crazy.
And so in the middle of all of this, my mommy Skypes me. And
we have a normal conversation about life, until she asks what I have to do
today, haha. And so I tell her, and I start bawling my eyes out because I feel
like I can’t do any of it. (No, this isn’t going to be one of those posts where
I say God can write my paper or do my exam for me. Although His power is
limitless, that’s not where I am going, at all.) Talking to her, I literally
wanted to curl up into the fetal position and cry. So she gives my computer a
hug which cracks me up. Then she tells me to get up and go work on something,
anything that will get me closer to where I need to be. And I tell her about
all the problems I have had with my papers, and that I just can’t. I can’t. I
can’t. I can’t.
If you don’t know my mother, she is usually a great big
cheerleader who would say, “nonsense! You can do this!” But instead, today, she
says what is stopping you. And I tell her. And she says to move on to the next
thing. When I say those things have to be done today and start crying again,
she says something I have literally never heard her say in my entire life, my
ENTIRE life.
“Go take a walk outside.”
Wait, what? I mean sure, that is a thing my dad would do. He
loves walks. Before people had a name for it, he was a prayer walker. Yes, my
dad prayer walked before it was cool.
“Just go outside and get some sunlight for 30 minutes. I
promise it will be good for you.”
At the moment, I definitely brushed that off. I was like she
is weird. That is a weird thing to say to me. So we said our goodbyes and
I-love-you’s and we got off Skype. At that point, I checked my email and there
was another email wanting my papers to be finished. So I just hurled myself at
the computer, not knowing where to start.
That was when the song “Enough” by Chris Tomlin came into my
head.
“All of you is more than enough for all of me, for every
thirst and every need. You satisfy me, with your love. And all I have in You,
is more than enough.”
While that song has absolutely nothing to do with stress,
like maybe, if I was really trying to stretch it, it helped me. Because at that
moment, I remember what happened last Thursday. I had been studying very hard
for a class and getting a little frustrated. I didn’t think it showed, but the
girl helping me told me to calm down. I didn’t think it showed. She reassured
me that what we were studying was not a big deal and that I would get it.
What is crazy, is that is probably not even what she said.
What I got from that situation, even though I thought it was no big deal at the
time, is that what is happening right now, is not that big of a deal. Here is
where that song is coming in. Even though I have all these super stressful
things going on in my life, they are not my life.
God is life. God is my life. God is more than enough for me.
He is more than all my hopes, more than all I can see.
Does that still mean that I have to do all of this work?
Yes. Does that mean I still try my best? Of course. But what that also means is
that this life is not the end all, be all. When I am putting my entire faith
into God, He will bring his will into my life. And I can say that because I
have seen it before. And it is truly incredible. And that song reminds me that
yes, I have a lot to do. I need to do it. But when I am putting everything that
I can towards my papers, my homework, cleaning, all in the name of God, I am
bringing Him glory. He will bring the purpose and will for my life, no doubt.
So when I do everything to the best of my ability, I have no
reason to fear. God has a plan for me. After all, if God is for me, then who
can be against me?
